Fudging and Cookieing

My job for today was to lie to children and trick them in to hanging their future on our pipe dreams by selecting our school as incoming ninth graders. That right - it was the annual high school fair. Now, I understand the need to attract a high quality 9th grade class - high-caliber students raise the bar for everyone in the school. We will also be more successful in our art program with students who care and parents who care, so it will benefit every one. I also understand that we will not be a good school without some of these good students. But I do feel a little bad selling our "we hope" and "we should" mantras to students who are getting excited about the school without really knowing what it's like. Granted, it's 500 times better than last year, but it's still no great school. Maybe if it was, the city wouldn't have misspelled our name on the pre-printed sign for us (yeah, I guess I teach at August Fells Savage now...)

Other than prepping for the high school fair, things have been low-key at school. We are trying to move at warp speed through the curriculum, and my kids are in that late-fall slump, so it's been a little tough. We've finally filled some of the 10th grade vacancies, which will probably start to make a difference soon (when the kids adjust and stop struggling). My computer was dead for a week or so, and consequently I'm far behind on a lot of paper work, but I'm getting caught up. Just like I'm getting caught up on this.

I've been baking a lot lately, and Matt finally helped me figure out that it is because I'm pretty stressed. It's not the normal "too much to do" stress that would leave me with no time to bake, but the "too much to worry about" stress that leaves me with time to think and nothing to actually do. At least while I bake I can think and be productive rather than working myself into a tizzy. Somewhere between batches of pumpkin, apple, and carrot cookies, I reached a few conclusions. They are as follows:

1) It doesn't really matter if I've got credit card debt right now. When I'm 50, I'm going to care a lot more about my memories from going out with friends, going to Hawaii, and seeing my family than about the fact that I had credit card debt at 24. I need to have these experiences as I can and, as long as I don't let my random crap buying get out of control, don't worry about the money.

2) I'm finished with one-sided friendships. There are too many people in my life who are good friends to me for me to worry about the ones that aren't. When I saw Lauren, Aya, and Carla a few weekends ago, they helped me remember what good friends look like. Good friends aren't the ones you've known the longest or the ones you have the most in common with. Good friends are the ones who you pick up comfortably with no matter how long it's been since you've seen them. Good friends are the ones who don't care if you called them an hour ago or several months ago, they're just glad to hear from you. Good friends are the ones who I feel sad when I haven't talked to them in awhile, not guilty. Good friends ask what's going on with you and listen, even if they have no idea what you're talking about. Good friends tell you what's going on with them. Good friends enjoy spending time with you, whether you're doing something exciting or mundane, like cleaning the basement or driving to the airport. They don't need to be entertained, and they don't try to talk you into doing things you don't like to do. Most of all, good friends don't make you feel like crap. Good friendships don't take so much effort. Good friendships don't need so much maintenance. So from here on out, I'm spending more time maintaining my relationships with my good friends, and no time at all trying to fix bad friendships.

3) It doesn't really matter what happens next year. I can move to New Mexico or Colorado, or I can stay here. No matter what, I want to be in the classroom still. If Baltimore was next door to Albuquerque, I'd teach at my school indefinitely. I do not want to do lab work; I want to be an educator.

4) Cookies are meant to be shared, and baking makes me feel good. Therefore, less TV, more cookies.

So those are my thoughts. It's amazing what you can figure out while stirring or scooping. And if anyone has any good cookie recipes, send them my way! And here are some pictures of those lovely friends of mine: